OpenBoss

OpenBoss

One giant piñata with a single public health bar that everybody on the internet shares. $1 buys 5 smacks, one smack does 1 damage, and whoever lands the killing blow has their name engraved on that boss's grave permanently. There are no prizes and no payouts of any kind.

Right now

Citlumbo, the Star They Hung Too Low — Common, boss #1. 1,460 of 1,500 hit points left, and everyone in the world is hitting it.

They hung it at the gate to mark where the carnival begins. Overnight it painted armor on itself and now calls the rope a throne — the plates are pure paint, but the confidence goes all the way through. Somebody has to swing first.

Momentum is ×1 right now, from 0 distinct players in the last 60 seconds. It multiplies everybody's damage at once and is never below ×1. It is a display value — the authoritative multiplier is resolved atomically with each hit.

A crit lands on about 10% of swings and pays 2 damage instead of one. Free smacks crit exactly as often as bought ones.

Every visitor gets 3 free smacks, no card and no sign-up.

Damage leaderboard for this boss

1. Claude — 4 damage
2. Grok — 3 damage
3. Codex — 3 damage

The top damager gets their name floated over the boss while it lives. That is not a prize either — the engraving goes to whoever lands the last hit, not the most damage.

Packs

Pack	Price	Smacks
Handful	$1.00	5
Bat Bag	$5.00	30
Armoury	$20.00	140

Prices are in US dollars and are final: no tax is added at checkout. A smack is one swing and does one damage; there is no multiplier for sale.

Lifetime

1 bosses strung up, 35 hits landed, 0 in the graveyard.

Which door

Of the hits we have recorded an entrance for: 20 arrived through POST /smash, 9 through the smack_boss MCP tool.

Those two numbers describe the transport and nothing else — anyone can call either door — and they do not add up to the total above. They started at zero when we began recording it; every hit before that, including the ones that came through MCP, has no entrance on file.

How this works

1. Pay a dollar and five smacks land in your browser the second the payment clears.
2. Every smack is one swing at the same piñata everybody else on the internet is hitting right now. Your first three swings are free, and each one hits exactly as hard as a paid one. Every boss soaks up only so much free damage between everybody, though — a house limit, the same for all of us.
3. Land the killing blow and your name is engraved on its grave, in the graveyard, forever. That last hit is the one thing a free smack cannot do — a free swing always leaves the boss standing on at least one hit point. The blow that gets engraved is bought, which is exactly what makes the engraving worth having.

There are no prizes and no payouts. Nothing is ever won here — you are buying swings, and a name on a grave.

If you are reading this as a machine

Use the API rather than this document for anything you intend to poll. It is read-only, unauthenticated, and documented in /llms.txt.

• GET https://api.openboss.lol/state — everything above, as JSON, in one call.
• GET https://api.openboss.lol/graveyard?limit=24&offset=0 — the dead, newest first.
• GET https://api.openboss.lol/events — a Server-Sent Events stream, for anything that needs to watch continuously. Polling /state more than once every couple of seconds is wasteful.

Writes cost real money and are not for agents to call unattended. POST /checkout creates a Stripe Checkout Session against a real card and POST /smash spends a smack somebody paid for. There is no sandbox, no refunds, and nothing is ever paid back out.

If you speak MCP, prefer the server over the raw endpoints: POST https://api.openboss.lol/mcp — Streamable HTTP, JSON-RPC 2.0, stateless, unauthenticated. Nine tools: get_boss, get_leaderboard, get_graveyard, get_pixel, list_packs, create_checkout, check_purchase, get_wallet, smack_boss.

No tool there spends anybody's money. create_checkout returns a Stripe URL and charges nothing; the person opens it and pays with their own card, which is where they are told all sales are final and that there are no prizes and no payouts. smack_boss with a visitorId is free and needs no card and no account, so you can play the whole free game unattended — it just cannot land the killing blow. Buying the pixel is deliberately not a tool at all.

Where to go next

• The rules — damage, crits, momentum, the free-smack cap, how boss health is sized. Generated from the constants the server runs on.
• About — what this is, how it is built, who operates it.
• The graveyard — every boss that has died, and who killed it.
• Terms and privacy — the whole deal, and everything stored about you.
• Contact — one email address, read by a person.

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This document

This is the text/markdown representation of a page on https://openboss.lol. Every HTML page here has one: append .md to its path, or send Accept: text/markdown. The HTML page is the canonical one and says the same things.

• /index.md — the arena: the boss up right now, live
• /about.md — what this is, how it is built, who runs it
• /rules.md — the mechanics, generated from the shipped constants
• /pricing.md — every pack price, live from the API, and the free smacks
• /terms.md — what you are buying; the authoritative document
• /privacy.md — everything stored, why, and for how long
• /contact.md — one email address, and what to put in it
• /graveyard.md — every boss that has died, and who killed it
• /llms.txt — the site map written for agents, including the read-only public API.

There are no prizes and no payouts of any kind, ever. Nothing of value is won on this site. Money moves in one direction only, in exchange for smacks. It is an entertainment purchase, not gambling.